Worst Karaoke Manners Ever

If you adore karaoke, you’ll be horrified that this post even exists. But recently I’ve seen some unacceptable behavior at karaoke venues. And I’m not throwing a fit about a one time occurrence with drunken sorority girls, either. And I'm not even talking about the crazies choking and beating each other outside the venue.

I’m talking about karaoke regulars breaking the unwritten rules. I wondered if I was likely to witness a cat fight between 2 church ladies last month over “You Can’t Take That Away From Me.” Sinatra would have blushed for them.

Just to avoid a false step at the next karaoke event, I’m going to lay down some simple rules of etiquette for karaoke. Unfortunately, I anticipate that the exact people who should have this set of rules in their hot little hands will be the absolute last to ever read it.

Give me the fantasy that thousands of KJs across the country printing it out and hanging it on their karaoke DJ equipment.

These are the “I Can't Believe I've Got to Write This Down” rules for karaoke. I hope you’ll agree with me without reservation. Or I may cry.

If you see me as unnecessarily strict, then you’re likely to be making me miserable at the karaoke night, as we speak.

(Writing this post is making me sound old: “When I was young, we lugged our machine karaoke through the sleet and hail, up a hill each way AND we were polite, about it too…”) Regardless, here's 8 rules to follow if you want to avoid some of the worst karaoke behavior ever.

1. You shouldn’t boo or hassle the performer ever.



2. Never fail to applaud at the end of a tune. Even if they tripped and knocked themselves unconscious for a few seconds, forgot how to read, and displayed the musical ability of a dead fish. Nothing oils the squeaking wheel of a failed performance like a little ovation. You ought to be kind since you may deliver a sub-par performance someday yourself.



3. Upstaging someone else by joining them onstage or wrestling at the mic uninvited is bad behavior. Respect the rights of others to own their solo moment, unless they issue an invitation.



4. Never throw a diva tantrum on karaoke DJ. If your track hasn’t come up in the rotation, don't yell or whine. Assume the KJ deserves the benefit of the doubt – he or she likely has a plan for ordering the tracks in a given manner. Your performance might better suit the rotation after a contrasting song or it might disrupt a homogeneous set of songs coming soon in the venue. Assume the best and bide your time. Ask politely when you worry that your request was misplaced.



5. Handle the songbook and the karaoke mic carefully. You are usually using the personal property of the karaoke DJ. KJs are usually compensated with peanuts and water, so messing up the VocoPro system is just a cruddy thing to do.



6. Never put in a request slip in someone else’s name. I can’t imagine of a situation where a real friend could do that.



7. Cursing over a karaoke mic is ridiculously rude. Profanity doesn’t need to be cranked up through a 350 watt speaker.



8. Singing while you are drunk is only fun for you. (Though I bet you will wake up the next morning without that happy memory of your time on stage the night before.) Taking a shot before you sing in order to build up a little karaoke bravery is an honored part of the process, but if you can barely stand up to perform then you probably ought to stay seated. As a general rule, If you’re going to drink till you fall down don't sing karaoke!

And there is the summary of core karaoke courtesy. I pray that you see the strictures of good karaoke manners carried out at each show you visit. But if you see patrons acting up on every side, copy these eight guidelines for karaoke etiquette and hang them high. Spread knowledge of karaoke good manners around the country!